Introduction
When Children Speak, Adults Must Listen: Lessons from “It Takes Two”
It Takes Two, a 1995 family comedy movie directed by Andy Tennant and written by Deborah Dean Davis.
The film follows Amanda, a child living in foster/orphanage care who wants to remain with Diane, the social worker who has developed a strong bond with her. She is facing adoption by a family she does not trust. Meanwhile, Alyssa lives with her wealthy father but is experiencing emotional insecurity because of his planned marriage to Clarice. The two girls meet, switch identities and attempt to influence the adults around them.
Highlights
A Child’s voice must be heard
Amanda’s fear of being separated from Diane clearly expresses where she feels safe and who she trusts. Her wishes are important, but the adults around her have to balance those wishes with her best interests and safety.
“The best interests of the child” must come before adult convenience
Amanda’s situation demonstrates that decisions concerning children can become complicated when adults have competing interests. Diane cares deeply about Amanda, while the adoption process involves other considerations. The film presents Amanda’s fear of being placed with a family she does not know
A child can be physically safe but emotionally unsafe
Alyssa’s situation: Alyssa lives in wealth and privilege, but that does not automatically mean that she is emotionally safe. Her father’s planned marriage to Clarice creates anxiety for her, and she perceives Clarice as someone who does not genuinely care about her wellbeing.
Poverty and wealth should never determine how seriously we listen to a child
Amanda and Alyssa come from completely different socioeconomic backgrounds. Amanda is living within the care system, while Alyssa is wealthy and privileged. Yet both children have safeguarding needs. The film therefore provides an excellent opportunity to challenge the assumption that: “Children from wealthy families don’t experience safeguarding concerns.”
Safeguarding is about the child’s circumstances and wellbeing, not the family’s social class.
The importance of safe adults and concerns about unsafe prospective caregivers
Diane represents an adult whom Amanda trusts while The Butkis family is presented as a family Amanda fear being placed with, and the film depicts the father as using children for labor. This describes the family as exploiting children through child labor.
LESSONS TO NOTE
- Children should not merely be the subject of decisions made by adults. They should be given an age-appropriate opportunity to express their views, and those views should be taken seriously.
- Every placement, foster-care or adoption decision should consider:
Safety + stability + attachment + development + the child’s views + family relationships + long-term wellbeing.
- A child can have a beautiful house, expensive clothes and excellent food and still be emotionally unsafe.
- A placement should never be based solely on the fact that an adult wants to adopt or foster a child.
KEY QUESTIONS
- What does the child want?
- Why does the child want it?
- What makes the child feel safe or unsafe?
- Has the child been given an opportunity to speak privately?
- Are adults genuinely listening, or simply making decisions for the child?
- What is actually best for this child?
Not
- What is easiest for the adults?
- What does the organization prefer?
- What does the prospective parent want?
- What decision will make everyone happy?
KEY LESSONS
Children are more likely to disclose concerns when they have adults who are:
- approachable;
- trustworthy;
- patient;
- non-judgmental;
- consistent;
- willing to listen.
Children should not have to “rescue themselves”.
Amanda and Alyssa take matters into their own hands.
They:
- run away;
- deceive adults;
- exchange identities;
- make decisions about their living arrangements;
- attempt to solve adult relationship problems.
It should make us uncomfortable.
Why?
Because children should not have to develop elaborate strategies to make adults listen to them.
If a child feels:
“Nobody will listen unless I do something extreme,”
that is a warning sign.
CONCLUSION
A strong child protection system should provide safe reporting and participation mechanisms before a child reaches that point.
A truly protective environment should include:
- Safe adults
- Safe policies
- Safe physical spaces
- Safe reporting mechanisms
- Safe recruitment
- Safe decision-making
- Safe referral pathways
- Child participation
This aligns very well with S.A.F.E.® ideology — Securing A Friendly and Protective Environment for Children®.
A child may be surrounded by adults and still not feel heard, understood or safe. Safeguarding means creating an environment where children are listened to, protected, respected and empowered before they have to resort to desperate ways of getting adults’ attention.”
