Money creates more conflict in families than almost anything else. Siblings resent each other over perceived unfairness. Spouses separate over financial disagreements. Children grow into adults carrying deep wounds about how money was, or was not, distributed at home. And the painful irony? The money itself is rarely the real problem. The problem is that nobody talked about it.
Here is a distinction that could save your child decades of unnecessary financial resentment: fairness is not the same as equality. Equality means everyone gets the same thing regardless of need. Fairness means everyone gets what they need, proportionate to their circumstances.
A fourteen-year-old earning £50 a week is not unfair to a seven-year-old earning £5. The older child has more responsibility, more capability, more hours. That is fair. Making them equal would punish the one who earned more and mislead the one who earned less about how the real world works.
But here is where most parents stumble: they never explain this. So the younger child sits in silent resentment. The older child has no idea there is even a problem. And both carry invisible wounds into their adult relationships with money and with people.
The deeper lesson is this: money will test every relationship your child ever has. Friendships end over unpaid debts. Families fracture over inheritances. Marriages collapse over spending habits. The people who navigate these waters well are the ones who learned early that money is not the real issue; communication is.
Your job is to make the invisible visible. Explain your logic. Invite questions. Create safety for jealousy to surface so it can be addressed, not suppressed until it explodes years later.
This week’s challenge: The Family Money Meeting
Sit with your children and explain how you allocate money, why some get different amounts, and how you decide what is fair. Invite questions. Do not defend yourself. Just listen. This one conversation prevents years of silent resentment.
Dinner table question this week:
“If your sibling earned more money than you through their own effort, would that feel fair or unfair? Why?”
Money is not taboo; it is a relationship, treat it like one.
See you next week
Dr. Mayowa Olusoji
The Money Smart Coach
