My Testimony: From Brokenness to Redemption-Men are Not Dogs
My years of innocence were painfully few. At just six years old, the most sacred part of my being, my sexuality, was stolen from me. Between the ages of six and eight I was serially sexually abused by an older woman, our neighbor. My sexuality was awakened long before I had the character to understand, preserve, or honor it. My boundaries were broken before they were ever formed.
Because my instincts were stirred before my reasoning was developed, pleasure came before dignity. I became what some would cruelly call “anything in a skirt”, but behind that label was a broken child, abandoned to confusion and shame. I also became addicted to pornography and compulsive masturbation.
I recall a trip to Port Harcourt with my uncle, Chief Gani Fawehinmi, during my university days. I think it was my first year. We were hosted by a prominent lawyer, and I initiated a relationship with his secretary, an older, so-called sophisticated woman. Without hesitation, I made my intentions known and pursued her. Our brief affair became public when I left a note on her door, reminiscing about our time together. Another lawyer found it and handed it to my uncle. I’ll never forget his shocked words: “So she was your girlfriend already? The one I call ‘Madam?’”
It was a moment of shame. But back then, I justified it all, I told myself I was a product of abuse, and that was my excuse for everything.
But on February 16, 1997, everything changed. At age 27, I encountered Jesus Christ. I became a man of faith, and for the first time, I saw that redemption was possible, even for the weakest, most wounded part of me. I made a vow of celibacy and declared my freedom from porn and masturbation, not by power or might, but by His grace, which kept me for nine years.
At age 36, I married. For the past 18 years and counting, I have remained the husband of one wife, no infidelity, no emotional entanglements, no side relationships. Have I been tempted? Absolutely. But I live by principles that anchor me, But I live by principles that anchor me, principles I now teach to others and well documented in my autobiography, The Burden and Wisdom of Parenting: From Erased Childhood to Transformed Adulthood, released last year towards my 55th birthday.
My first vow of fidelity was to Christ, and it is for a lifetime. His grace has kept me, and it is upon that sacred foundation I built the vow to my wife of 18 years.
Here’s what I know, not by theory, but by experience:
I am not better than any man who struggles. But I salute every man who acknowledges his battle and is pressing toward healing and restoration.
Don’t believe the lie that “men will be men” means men must be irresponsible and unfaithful to their marital vows, despite what Blessing CEO and her cohorts may try to make us believe. That’s not manhood. That’s bondage.
True manhood is possible. And in Christ Jesus, it is within reach.
