Nurturing Destinies. Reframing Masculinity. Redeeming Time. Reaffirming Fatherhood

When Effort Isn’t Enough: What I’m Learning from My Son at 55

One of the quiet gifts of parenting in your 50s is the ability to slow down and see things. I mean really see them, not just the actions, but the emotions behind them; not just the behavior, but the belief driving it.

Lately, I’ve been observing our son. He gets visibly frustrated when things don’t go as planned, when he’s trying to fix a toy, open a bottle, seal a sachet, or insert an object into a container that clearly won’t fit. Sometimes he shouts. Sometimes he cries. But always, he tries.

And in that trying, I see something profound: he begins every task with hope. He starts with the belief that he can. When things don’t work out, it’s not just about a stuck lid or misplaced toy, it’s the disappointment of effort not matching expectation. And that is something we all know too well.

In those moments, I draw close. Not just to assist, but to affirm.

I celebrate his effort.

I honor his persistence.

I help him understand what may have gone wrong.

And most of all, I let him know:

“Trying is winning. And giving your best is enough.”

It’s tempting, as parents, especially older ones, to rush in, fix things, or worse, scold the frustration. But I’ve learned to let him wrestle. To let him believe. To let him build. Because when he finally shouts, “I did it!”, I see confidence take root. And when he can’t, I remind him, “It’s okay. Your effort matters too.”

This lesson has echoed deeply in my own life. There were times I poured out my best, strategizing, sacrificing, believing, and still didn’t get the result I hoped for. Society often labels that as failure. But as Thomas Edison famously said:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 250 ways that won’t work.”

In other words, every attempt builds something, even if it doesn’t build the thing we set out for.

This reminds me of a powerful story from Jim Rohn, the renowned motivational speaker. His mentor, Earl Shoaff, once challenged him to earn a million dollars, not for the money itself, but for the person he would become in the process. Shoaff told him, “If you lose the money, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the mindset, the skills, the discipline, the person you’ve become while making it.”

That stayed with me. And it now shapes the way I raise my son.

Because the real reward in life is not the toy fixed, the bottle opened, or even the million earned. The reward is the resilience built, the character forged, and the wisdom gained along the way.

As a man of faith, I also understand this truth: our best effort does not always guarantee the outcome we desire. Scripture says:

“The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong… but time and chance happen to them all.” (Ecclesiastes 9:11)

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to be swift, strong, or wise. It means that God’s sovereignty surpasses our striving. There is a timing. There is a process. And in that tension between effort and result, grace makes all the difference.

So what am I teaching my son?

That effort is not failure.

That frustration is human.

That persistence builds people.

And that the process is as precious as the product.

To every father, every parent, every mentor reading this, here’s my encouragement:

Don’t tie your identity, or your child’s, to outcomes.

Tie it to growth. Tie it to integrity. Tie it to the journey.

Celebrate effort. Model grace. Praise the courage to try again.

Because we are not just raising achievers.

We are raising resilient, rooted, real human beings.

– With love and resolve,

Taiwo Akinlami.