#MemoToMySon: Ìwà Kìí Wà N’kan Tí

“There is nothing character cannot accomplish.”

Dear Son,

I was 13 years old in 1983 when life taught me that wisdom doesn’t always come from books. Sometimes, it lives in the voice of a grandmother.

That year, our family moved back to our hometown from Ado-Ekiti. It seemed like a logistical decision at the time, but it quietly reshaped our lives. Though your grandparents remained married, they never lived together again. While some of my siblings moved with our mother, I stayed with my father at our ancestral  home, 1 Okedasa Street, Ondo.

That decision brought me under the daily influence of your great-grandmother, my father’s mother. She was a motivational speaker long before the term existed. She would gather us and speak with fire and conviction about legacy, dignity, and greatness.

It was in her voice, not in any textbook, that I first heard of men like Andrew Thomas, who embodied daring and discipline, and Candido Joao Da Rocha, a name associated with ambition and resilience. But more powerful than the stories she told were the values she passed down.

Her daily mantra was this Yoruba proverb:
“Ìwà kìí wà n’kan tí.”
“There is nothing good character and positive behavior cannot achieve.”

I didn’t know it then, but she was handing me a compass. I’ve been trying to follow it ever since.

A Father Still Becoming

Now, as a man, a Christian, a husband, a father, and an attorney, I see just how deeply that compass has guided me.

Here’s the caveat, son, as we say in law: don’t get it twisted. I’m not perfect in any of these things. I fail. I fall. But I keep going. I don’t quit. I’m a man becoming. And no one is complete, not even your father.

I live with the quiet intention of being remembered as a good man, not for applause, but because it matters.

“Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.” Proverbs 27:2

My righteousness is secure in Christ, but I’ve come to understand that in this world, character, courtesy, and kindness still open doors. So I choose peace over offense, kindness over ego, and integrity over convenience.

I value fairness. I don’t draw conclusions without first seeking clarity. I serve my clients with fidelity, even when it costs me. I try to keep my word, even when it’s hard. I honor people deeply, whether they’re new or familiar. For me, respect should grow with time—not fade with familiarity.

And son, I’ve learned to travel light. I don’t carry grudges. I once shared publicly about the abuse I experienced as a child. Afterward, someone told me, “You need to forgive your parents.” I smiled and replied, “I don’t remember ever holding them in unforgiveness. I believe they did the best they could.”

As a person of faith, I live forgiven. And the one who has been forgiven has no right to hold another in unforgiveness. It’s not just impossible, it’s unthinkable.

So this is what I want you to remember:
Live forgiven, because you have been forgiven. Hold no one in unforgiveness.

On Gratitude and Memory

I cannot live in ingratitude. There are people God used to change my life. I carry them in my heart, quietly, intentionally. Their children, too, are part of that legacy.

Likewise, I know I’ve been used by God to help others. I hope for gratitude, but I don’t demand it. Whether people remember or not, I give my best to the next person. I just keep going.

What I Hope You Learn, My Son

You’re just three and a half now. You may not understand all these words, but your heart is already listening. I see it when you respond to correction. I hear it when you say:
“That’s kind.”
“That’s not kind.”
“Use kind words.”

Because kindness is the foundation of character.

Here’s what I hope you grow to know:

• Character makes room for you where talent may not.
• Kindness is not weakness, it’s strength under control.
• Ask questions before drawing conclusions.
• Be grateful. Gratitude is the memory of the heart.
• Live forgiven. Hold no one in unforgiveness.
• Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for purpose.

So here it is, my son:

Ìwà kìí wà n’kan tí.
There is nothing that good character cannot achieve. With every kind word, every honorable act, and every moment of restraint, we are building something beautiful—a life, and a legacy, worth remembering.

🖊️ — Your Father, Still Becoming